DWD’s PrideAbility Program

Baby Queers: 1st Loves to Life Partners

A love story that has lasted through time, culture, and health problems. Their tale, from first love to life partners, inspires both young and old.

Interviewed and Written by Samiyah Muhammad

With a movie-worthy love story, Gesy Duran and her wife being devoted to each other for over 20 years is a testament to lasting relationships for Interabled queer couples. Overcoming cultural barriers and societal opposition to their same-sex relationship, the two first met in the school hallways during middle school and have been inseparable ever since. They’ve navigated the challenges of youth, homophobia, ableism, and sexism. As the two baby queers navigated internal questions and external barriers, they understood for certain that their feelings for each other were pure.

Their love remained strong through Gesy’s health struggles, highlighting the existence of lasting interabled queer relationships. From hiding their love by only holding hands on the subway to pretending to be siblings when Gesy was hospitalized, the Durans have faced difficult life moments boldly. Over time, they would overcome two transitional health struggles and support each other through life’s triumphs and challenges, including Gesy’s life-altering decision in college to remove her pancreas. Gesy has experienced a once-in-a-lifetime love, as many would refer to it. In her own words – “ She was my first girlfriend, and I was her first…we were trying to figure out if we were just close, but I had a best friend, and I didn’t want to kiss my best friend!” Gesy recalls with a chuckle.

Ableism + Queer Community

For our hetero-allies, it is a running joke for queer women to have short-lived, yet passionately connected relationships. However, Black and Brown LGBTQIA+ community members are more likely to have a chronic illness or disability, according to various statistical data and research articles, and studies alike. Ableism is a known issue within the queer and trans community, and compounding forms of discrimination heighten it within Black and Brown communities. As per (Cope, 2023) “…There is considerable overlap between the disabled and LGBT+ communities and, in fact, according to a survey by the HRC Foundation, LGBTQ+ people are more likely to be disabled than non-LGBTQ+ people. In the United States, for example, 36% of LGBTQ+ people in general and 56% of transgender people are disabled… the LGBT+ community at large, positing that repeated experiences of discrimination, self-stigma, and the need to hide one’s identity leads to psychological distress in minority groups…” Gesy and her partner had a new lease on life after Gesy’s debilitating battle with chronic pain, paralysis, and depression. To celebrate, Gesy busted her tail in physical therapy to walk down the aisle to her beautiful wife at their wedding.

Disabled Experience With IVF: Gesy’s Road to Motherhood

As they began their new life, Gesy declared it was her “YES!” Year” by accepting the desire to become a mom.

Dating_While_Disabled and Pride Ability appreciate the Duran’s bravery in sharing their IVF experience as a lesbian, interabled family of color. For those unaware, IVF is one of the most beautiful processes for same-sex couples to become parents together biologically through surrogates and sperm donors. “IVF allows same-sex partners to share in the process of pregnancy through an approach called co-IVF or reciprocal IVF.”(Bill, 2024).

The medical aspects of Gesy’s pregnancy were challenging for her and her partner, due to medical misconceptions, ableism, racism, and discrimination. Gesy’s identity as a Masc-presenting lesbian also made things more intricate. Questioning her ability to carry to full-term and raise a child while paraplegic, to absurd comments about her marriage and lesbianism, Gesy and her partner soldiered through. Miraculously, they found helpful resources such as the RMA Clinic, which guided them along the way. This particular process was for Gesy to carry her wife’s egg in her womb.